As the world’s leading connoisseur of ketchup, I was excited to learn that Heinz is releasing a new ketchup packet. The packet allows for both squeezing AND dipping and holds three times the amount of normal ketchup, which means I will only have to ask for one packet now at Burger King. This will go a long way towards cutting down on my food-related shame.

Anyway, this is great news. I feel like the future is here. 2010! We might not have hover cars yet, but at last I can eat ketchup like a civilized man.